Anger and Forgiveness

As I read this week’s material, something that I really noticed was the tendencies of the natural man. So often we are fighting against ourselves. I loved James E. Faust’s thoughts on forgiveness. He said “We need to recognize and acknowledge angry feelings. It will take humility to do this, but if we will get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father for a feeling of forgiveness, He will help us. The Lord requires us “to forgive all men” for our own good because “hatred retards spiritual growth.” Only as we rid ourselves of hatred and bitterness can the Lord put comfort into our hearts.”

Until we rid ourselves of the angry thoughts in our hearts, we cannot move on and have the peace that we all desire so desperately.

James E. Faust also discussed Dr. Sidney Simon thoughts on forgiveness:

“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.”

Think of the time, effort and energy we waste caught up in anger? It’s such a waste! If we are keeping it real here on the blog, I wasted an entire day at the cottage being angry at my spouse. I could’ve moved on and forgiven him and apologized myself, but I stewed about it the whole day and ruined our last day of real summer vacation. He had booked a really nice hotel for our anniversary without telling me and I was mad because of the cost and wanting to have a quiet evening at home. It was definitely a learning experience for me.

James E. Faust, “The Healing Power of Forgiveness” General Conference April 2007

With Suzanne Simon, Forgiveness: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Get On with Your Life (1990)

Humility is the Opposite of Pride

Pride is the opposite of humility and humility can heal a lot conflict within a marriage. When we are prideful, we have an elevated sense of self and think that we know more than our spouse, and this can cause problems. We can look to many sources for help, and the prophet's council is a great place to start. President Benson is a prophet that I remember well from my youth, and reading his words brought a familiar peace and comfort. A quote that stood out to me was when he said, “Think of the repentance that could take place with lives changed, marriages preserved and homes strengthened if pride did not keep us from confessing our sins and forsaking them” – Ezra Taft Benson (Beware of Pride, May 1989) I believe that we can apply this wise counsel to our relationships with our spouses. 

Even though our marriage is strong, but that does not mean that we are free of those little pride games that can sneak into a relationship. I will at times ignore my spouse and get caught up in being right. I will give a cold shoulder and hold a grudge for an hour or two. I am also guilty of having a hard time learning from my partner. I need to work on this. I get over things quickly, but I have realized I have a prideful streak I need to work on. When we realize our own short comings, we can improve. 

I am grateful for any opportunity I have to learn and grow within my marriage. There is a lot of things in this life that are not worth my time and effort, but my marriage and family are something that is worth investing in. It's eternal, and if I want an eternal marriage that's gonna last, it take effort and I am willing to give it all I got.

Sharing Interests

I read a really touching story this week about a woman who went on a fishing trip with her husband to Alaska. This was not a dream of hers or something she was particularly excited to do, but her husband had wanted to do it for a long time. So they went, and the experience made them stronger. It was a story that stuck we me because my husband is really wonderful at taking the time be interested in my hobbies, music, tv shows etc. but it doesn't always go both ways. He loves to dirt bike, and it doesn't appeal to me at all, so I rarely take an interest in it. When reading this story, I thought about how happy my husband would be if I took more of an interest.

In "The Seven Principles of a Happy Marriage" Dr Gottman states "Conversational patterns of interest and respect, even about mundane topics are crucial to happiness. Couples who turn toward successfully maintain a 20:1 ratio of expressing interest or acknowledgement vs. ignoring conversational gambits. This is referred to as the emotional bank account. Couples who are highly successful keep a 5:1 ratio in conflict discussions, even Turning Towards while arguing."  This is a crucial part of a successful, happy marriage.

Martha Arnell shared this in her story about her husband's experience in Alaska: "When I awoke in the tent the next morning I felt strange with large swollen ears and eyes. I luckily had brought some over-the-counter allergy medicine, which helped somewhat with the swelling. But the greatest help was the blessing I asked for from my husband that morning outside our tent. He enjoyed his trip greatly, a life-time experience. I didn't complain and survived my bitten face."

References:
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2018). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. London: Cassell Illustrated.
"Fishing in Alaska" Martha Arnell